Thursday, January 19, 2017

Loneliness

I sit here today, holding back a flood of tears. I sit here alone. The path we have chosen to follow is one full of challenges, full of joy, full of sorrow, and full of solitude.  I have said many times that the more kids we have brought into our lives, the more adults I have watched leave.  It's funny because everyone says how unbelievable they think we are, we are so amazing to open our house to all these kids. They could never do it, how hard they  struggle with just  the (2,3,1 etc) kids they have.  How do we do it?  I always say it is by Gods grace, because I could never do it on my own. What I find amazing, is these people who are so amazed and in awe of everything we do, they never really try to understand.  They don't offer anything beyond a WOW. I know very few people who really want to hear how things are going.  They don't call to check up on you, see if you need anything. Nope nothing. Not a word of encouragement. As I sit here feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the issues these kids bring to me. All of their hurt, their fears, their dreams.  I feel alone. No-one to share my stresses with. No one to give my pain to. No Human that is.  I rejoice in the fact that I have the Creator of the universe to share my struggles with. He understands my pain, my loneliness. I sit here waiting for the kids' bedtime, so that I can cry without holding back. Cry out to the One who never leaves. My Father, my Savior.  I have written my feelings, not so that i get a billion texts, asking what is wrong, or what happened. But maybe so you can send a text or post something encouraging on someones wall that is walking through this life, following Gods will, but maybe needs to know someone is there. That someone cares. That someone is praying for them. It takes but a second, but could have a lasting impact.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

From one foster mama to another, I hear you! But only to a degree because your path is so much different than mine. I know the hurt I felt (and still feel) when I've been ignored and overlooked by my church family. An extremely close-knit, small church family that had been there more than my blood kin. The first baby years ago was met with open arms and felt like the church's baby as much as ours. But it's years later and maybe it's just me but it feels like, "oh here's another one... "
I have to constantly remind myself that people WILL always fail me, but God NEVER will. Unfortunately I still fall into thinking, where are my brothers and sisters in Christ? Where is the community that will help us help these children?

invisible woman said...

It is a hard road. Maybe we need a support group...hmmm, might be something to look into. HUGS, to you @anonymous!