Sunday, July 2, 2017

It's A Wonderful Life

It's a Wonderful Life....That's my favorite Christmas movie.  It is one that has been hitting home these last few weeks.  I have mentioned to a couple of people in my life, that I want God to show me what life would be like if I were never born.  I have been struggling with whether what we are doing in these kids' life is making a difference, or is just causing me a whole lot of stress here on earth.  There are times where I feel like it is all going well and it is so worth it, then it seems as if I am just a target of all the hurt and pain these kids experience.

The service at our church was simply amazing today.  God spoke to me quite clearly and really gave me some perspective on life.  Here is what really touched me:

The Unmoved Rock

Once upon a time, there was a man who was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Saviour appeared. The Lord told the man He had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might.
Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture placing thoughts into the man's mind such as: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." Thus giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum of effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?" To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My child, when long ago I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push.
And now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewed and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition, you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my child, will now move the rock."
Source unknown  
This hit home so much for me.  It's not about the outcome, its about being obedient, and listening, after that it's all Him!   I am released from anything than what He has directed me to.  I am called to take in hurt kids and to love them unconditionally.   After that its ALL HIM!!!   Praise the Lord, a weight has been lifted.  I can love them, I can give them a home.  I don't have to take on the burden when they make poor choices, I don't have to be responsible for what they do when they leave my house.  God has them after that!   But, also because they are the rock that has been placed before me, I can look at how they changed ME!   I can stop and see how they have helped heal me, helped mold me into a better person.  They are placed in my life to help me as much as I am to help them.  This seems so simple, but it really hit me today.  I pray that maybe it could touch your heart as it did mine!  My rock is not always my kids, it might be my job, it might be my husband, whatever it is I am focused on being obedient, and listening.  The outcome isn't up to me.   

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Loneliness

I sit here today, holding back a flood of tears. I sit here alone. The path we have chosen to follow is one full of challenges, full of joy, full of sorrow, and full of solitude.  I have said many times that the more kids we have brought into our lives, the more adults I have watched leave.  It's funny because everyone says how unbelievable they think we are, we are so amazing to open our house to all these kids. They could never do it, how hard they  struggle with just  the (2,3,1 etc) kids they have.  How do we do it?  I always say it is by Gods grace, because I could never do it on my own. What I find amazing, is these people who are so amazed and in awe of everything we do, they never really try to understand.  They don't offer anything beyond a WOW. I know very few people who really want to hear how things are going.  They don't call to check up on you, see if you need anything. Nope nothing. Not a word of encouragement. As I sit here feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the issues these kids bring to me. All of their hurt, their fears, their dreams.  I feel alone. No-one to share my stresses with. No one to give my pain to. No Human that is.  I rejoice in the fact that I have the Creator of the universe to share my struggles with. He understands my pain, my loneliness. I sit here waiting for the kids' bedtime, so that I can cry without holding back. Cry out to the One who never leaves. My Father, my Savior.  I have written my feelings, not so that i get a billion texts, asking what is wrong, or what happened. But maybe so you can send a text or post something encouraging on someones wall that is walking through this life, following Gods will, but maybe needs to know someone is there. That someone cares. That someone is praying for them. It takes but a second, but could have a lasting impact.

Friday, January 22, 2016

I'm BAACK!!!!

Oh my!  So it has been over a year since my last blog.  What a whirlwind life has been!  My sweet little girl is going to be turning one in a week or so.  Like my other babies, she took her sweet time and didn't come until February!   She was 10lbs 2oz.   Let's back up some to fall of 2014.  We had our previous Foster child come back into our home, and of course we were overjoyed!  She is such a sweet girl and fits our family perfectly!   We are going to get legal custody of her very soon, and in all the ways that truly matter, she is our daughter!    Well, November of 2014 the two kids we agreed to in the summer were being placed with another family.  Mom was not doing what she needed to, and I knew I could not be everything they needed.   That was a very hard decision and many tears were shed.  They were the first two kids that we ever sent back.  Our goal with any child that is placed in our home is to be the forever family that every child deserves. I really felt like I was letting these two beautiful kids down.    Within the next week another child that we had prayed for in the summer to be part of our family, was now coming for a respite weekend.  That turned into a couple weekends, and then her aunt decided she wouldn't allow her to come home, so a weekend in December she came to live with us permanently!   We adopted her this past December 2015.  She is 17 and we are so happy that God has blessed us with her!  She has come such a long way in the short time she  has been here.  I know that God has a plan for her because we see him pushing her everyday!   I can't wait to see how that unfolds! December of 2015 God sent back the two little ones that were supposed to be back with mom. They were in two foster homes since last with us, and mom tried having them there and nothing worked out for them.  It was heartbreaking.  They are now in our custody again and our plan is to be their permanent home as long as we can!  They are still quite a bit of work, but we know that the God that sent them here will give us what we need to love them in a way they need!  January of 2016 our Foster daughter(who in a previous blog came in July of 2014) turned 18 and moved in with her grandmother.  It was sad to see her move out, she was such a precious girl.  Her past is of course a hurt one, and she has overcome many obstacles in the year and a half she was here.  My prayer is that she stays focused and continues to choose the good paths!  Okay that is the catch-up of the kids in our house!!!

But wait there's more!  We have our 23 y/o who moved out January 2015 and is doing absolutely amazing!!!  She has her own apartment has a steady job and is really focused on her health.  It fills my heart with such joy to see her doing so well.  Our other daughter who also moved out last January just turned 21 this week!   She too has her own place, steady job and guess what else???? She had a little boy in November of 2015, so we are now NANA and PAPA!!!   The little guy is so precious, and it is so sweet to see her be a parent.   She is doing an amazing job!!  

We have a houseful and we are proud to call it our nuthouse!!!   We still have our business (which I do VERY LITTLE at, but my husband is doing an amazing job at listening to God and using GWC to glorify Him! We are in the process of  "rebranding"  and having a grand reopening this spring.  It is awesome to see how the Lord is pulling everything together!   ( now don't get me wrong I have questioned Him quite a few times, bc HIS timing isn't really working with MY timing, so yes I am learning patience and learning to trust in Him, because many times I have seen that His way is always better.  I just need to realize I need to just get the heck out of His way)      So, anyways that is our lifes update in a nutshell.  Oh, wait there is a little more.  My husband has lost 60lbs and has started running marathons.  He is very dedicated to his new lifestyle and I admire his dedication and obsession, i mean commitment:)   (love ya honey)   And ever since my babies birth, I have had constant back pain that is not going away.   I have tried, PT, trigger point, acupuncture, had x rays, 2 MRI's, catscan, 2 chiropractors, and the most we have found is 3 bulging discs.  The pain has not lessened except recently when I got a new mattress and started decompression therapy, with stim and laser. I would say its maybe 20% better. Could you please pray for healing for my lower back?   I have questioned God about this and why I am in pain when he wants me to parent all these kids. I haven't gotten much of a response back, so I am being still and waiting on His timing with that! I mean what else can I do anyway!! LOL!  

Now, I am done!!   I will try to get back to blogging more than once every year and a half!!