Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Winter Season

As I sit here looking out my window, I see a winter wonderland.  We have been getting snow for a couple of days, the kids have a 2 hour delay today, because of the cold.(not the snow.) People are already complaining they can't wait for summer.  I LOVE the snow, I love the pureness of freshly fallen snow, I love when my kids have a 2 hour delay and get to be home a little longer, I love watching them play in it, I love making homemade snow cream, I love how it covers everything in a calm freshness...I LOVE SNOW!!  (yes I hate driving in it, that might be the only negative).  In a season where everything looks dead and brown, snow brings something new and bright. I also love snow because I live in Pennsylvania and it is only with us for a few months and then we have another season to enjoy.  God is an amazing artist and if you stop and take in the beauty that He gives us everyday you will be in awe, there is such detail in each and every thing.

Our lives are a lot like the seasons.  I feel like we are in a season in our life of cold heavy snow, like we are in a  rut that's just dead and not beautiful. We have struggles we are going through that seem so heavy, like inches of the snow on our back.  Wondering if we will ever dig ourselves out. There are a lot of changes we are going through, God is directing us in a direction that seems impossible.  Last summer it seemed as though things had finally started move in a positive direction, then not sure what happened but it has sort of hit a stand still. During the mist of this situation He tells us to pull our kids from the Christian school, and to get our house and rental ready to sell in the spring. Well in the fall I was super excited about all of that. However, now that spring is just around the bend, I am questioning Him. How is the world will all this fall into place? We will more than likely have to rent for a year, ummm but there are 11 of us, we can't just rent an apartment, we won't fit. How long will the houses take to sell? How do we find a place for all of us in the meantime? Just a little transition house, seems simple enough, but is it? I am a planner so all this unknown is  a little stressful for me.

We are in a season that is not warm and full of sunshine, but  my quiet times have been reassuring me to surrender and trust in The One who created it all, He fights our battles and His plan is so much better than we can imagine. The season of snow while, dark, gloomy, cold, and a bit heavy has beauty to it.  It is a time to be still, to rest, and wait, because very shortly the snow will melt, the temperatures will rise, the sun will shine and everything will bloom!  So, as we are blessed with this snow I pray that we can stop and enjoy the quietness, the freshness, and realize this  season will soon pass.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

Sunday, July 2, 2017

It's A Wonderful Life

It's a Wonderful Life....That's my favorite Christmas movie.  It is one that has been hitting home these last few weeks.  I have mentioned to a couple of people in my life, that I want God to show me what life would be like if I were never born.  I have been struggling with whether what we are doing in these kids' life is making a difference, or is just causing me a whole lot of stress here on earth.  There are times where I feel like it is all going well and it is so worth it, then it seems as if I am just a target of all the hurt and pain these kids experience.

The service at our church was simply amazing today.  God spoke to me quite clearly and really gave me some perspective on life.  Here is what really touched me:

The Unmoved Rock

Once upon a time, there was a man who was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Saviour appeared. The Lord told the man He had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might.
Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain. Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, Satan decided to enter the picture placing thoughts into the man's mind such as: "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." Thus giving the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure.
These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man even more. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum of effort and that will be good enough." And that he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.
"Lord," he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock a half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?" To this the Lord responded compassionately, "My child, when long ago I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push.
And now you come to me, your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewed and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition, you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my child, will now move the rock."
Source unknown  
This hit home so much for me.  It's not about the outcome, its about being obedient, and listening, after that it's all Him!   I am released from anything than what He has directed me to.  I am called to take in hurt kids and to love them unconditionally.   After that its ALL HIM!!!   Praise the Lord, a weight has been lifted.  I can love them, I can give them a home.  I don't have to take on the burden when they make poor choices, I don't have to be responsible for what they do when they leave my house.  God has them after that!   But, also because they are the rock that has been placed before me, I can look at how they changed ME!   I can stop and see how they have helped heal me, helped mold me into a better person.  They are placed in my life to help me as much as I am to help them.  This seems so simple, but it really hit me today.  I pray that maybe it could touch your heart as it did mine!  My rock is not always my kids, it might be my job, it might be my husband, whatever it is I am focused on being obedient, and listening.  The outcome isn't up to me.   

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Loneliness

I sit here today, holding back a flood of tears. I sit here alone. The path we have chosen to follow is one full of challenges, full of joy, full of sorrow, and full of solitude.  I have said many times that the more kids we have brought into our lives, the more adults I have watched leave.  It's funny because everyone says how unbelievable they think we are, we are so amazing to open our house to all these kids. They could never do it, how hard they  struggle with just  the (2,3,1 etc) kids they have.  How do we do it?  I always say it is by Gods grace, because I could never do it on my own. What I find amazing, is these people who are so amazed and in awe of everything we do, they never really try to understand.  They don't offer anything beyond a WOW. I know very few people who really want to hear how things are going.  They don't call to check up on you, see if you need anything. Nope nothing. Not a word of encouragement. As I sit here feeling completely overwhelmed with all of the issues these kids bring to me. All of their hurt, their fears, their dreams.  I feel alone. No-one to share my stresses with. No one to give my pain to. No Human that is.  I rejoice in the fact that I have the Creator of the universe to share my struggles with. He understands my pain, my loneliness. I sit here waiting for the kids' bedtime, so that I can cry without holding back. Cry out to the One who never leaves. My Father, my Savior.  I have written my feelings, not so that i get a billion texts, asking what is wrong, or what happened. But maybe so you can send a text or post something encouraging on someones wall that is walking through this life, following Gods will, but maybe needs to know someone is there. That someone cares. That someone is praying for them. It takes but a second, but could have a lasting impact.