The SPOT

For those that know me, know that 2011-2012 has been a rocky road for me.  A year where I was challenged in so many ways.  I was challenged as a mom, wife, sister , daughter, and as a child of God. 

In 2011 after much prayer and thought, we were approved as foster parents.   We "requested" children b/w the ages of 2 & 5. (in our home at the time we had a 5,4,and 1.5yearold) Well we were blessed with a 1.5 year old, 8 year old, and then a 16 year old.  Not what we wanted, but God knew best!   Having two 1.5 year olds in the home, along with an 8 year old who was neglected, was definitely a challenge! There were some days that I couldn't leave my house.  Life was just too overwhelming. When I had a bad day, I didn't know how to just throw an uncooked meal together for a family of 7.  Then we got our 16 year old, and wow life with a teenager, is full of drama! 

The stress of dealing with teenage stuff, when my other kids were no where near that was an adjustment. We had already been through it kinda with our oldest,(we have a previous foster child who comes and goes fromthe house. she is 20) but some things you are never ready for.  I could see slowly, I was drifting apart from many of my dearest friends, and oh how it saddened me.  Having to care for this many kids was a never ending task. I was unable to go out like I used to, the amount of appointments I had with  all of them was tremendous.Doctor's appointments, therapy visits, family visits, we even had an attempted suicide,court dates, it is never ending.  When I did get free time I wanted a date night with my husband.  It is exhausting keeping a house clean after all these people, and the laundry is never ending, dirty toilet seats...yep gross! 

I lost a sister through all the issues of having foster children. That really hurt, and it happened once, then we tried a second time and it happened again. Lately my heart has been hurt my our now 18 year old, who just moved out and is going to do it on her own. My poor eyes just want to be done with these tears of  heartache, pain and betrayal. 

In the state of PA you are allowed to have 6 kids in your home. So, we now have room for another child. My mother says I should take a break and not take one right away. I have had alot of stress this past year and she wants me to just have a chance to breathe.  I hear her, and in some ways that sounds refreshing!  But all I can think of is I have a SPOT!!! one more SPOT in our home for a child.
I have the room to show a sweet child of God, what a loving family is like. I can show them what it feels like to not be hungry or cold, to feel the warmth of a hug, to experience unconditional love, and to introduce them to God our Savior. How can I have a SPOT in my home and not want to fill it.  I have watched 5 kids now, learn what it is like to have someone who loves them, forgives them, and pushes them to be the best they can be.  During the trials I had with my sister, I cried out to God many times asking Him to help me be a good sister, and you know what His response was?  I didn't put you on this earth to be a sister or an aunt.  You are here to be a wife and a mother! And He also said, "I never said it would be easy" WOW!  That opened my eyes in so many ways!

I can't tell you how many times people say to me, I don't know how you do it, I can't handle my two or  my three.  Well let me tell you, I can only do it because of God's grace and God's strength.  He has put me here on this earth to help these lost kids.  I am going to keep on doing, and getting as many kids as He sees fit for me to handle. Anyone that knows me, says I would never have imagined you would be doing this...LOL, I say it too!    I spoke with a mom  today who was such an encouragement, she has adopted 17 kids!   She has had  ADHD, RAD, Bipolar, Twins, Triplets, you name it, she has seen it and been through it. Praising God for her willingness to follow His plan in her life.  She shared with me alot of her story and I am so thankful for her words.  I have been feeling discouraged and overwhelmed, and the SPOT hasn't left my mind. I know I am going to fill it, we are waiting for children's bureau to call us. Will it be a boy or girl? baby or toddler? tween or teen?  Only God knows, but I KNOW He has them hand picked for us and I cannot wait!   We are waiting on them, and while we wait, there is another child, a boy(let's call him T) who is 1.5 years old in Ohio. He is the younger brother to the girls we adopted. He is going up for adoption and we are traveling there for the first meeting of all interested parties. We are praying for God's will to be done in all of this. Please pray with us!    T may be the one to feel that SPOT, but I think there is one before him, through children's bureau,  so maybe there is more than one SPOT!?!?

It is an absolutely amazing journey that we are on, one that I am so humbled to be called to do. I have seen the blessings from God as I obey His calling on my life. I am hoping to reach many more hearts here in our home. If I have withdrawn from you in any way b/c of this I am sorry.  Just know, I love you! And I love these kids God has entrusted me with! I pray that my heart will continue to be open to God's will, and that He will continue to give me His  strength and peace through this journey.

So to those of you who ask how I can even think about taking in another one...know it is b/c there is a SPOT, and I am being obedient to the One who created us, and who gave ME the SPOTS to begin with.