PART 2 SUMMER CHALLENGE FAIL!!!

We are now in the month of July and I have finally accepted that I am going to have a baby, and that our position as foster parents will end soon. :(  (In the state of PA you can have a total of 6 kids to do foster parenting, we already have 5+baby in January) So, unless they gave us a child before I popped, I knew we were done.  That made me sad, I know we could help other kids, setting a limit was completely ridiculous to me. HOWEVER....The Children's Bureau called for us to do a respite for a weekend for a 16 y/o girl. I said sure!   We picked  her up on July 10th, and she didn't want to go back to the foster house she was in, so she stayed with us!   I was so pleased with that!  I love the older kids!   So, we finally filled the last spot!!!    I was still in my first tri, and was nauseous constantly and oh soooooo tired! I barely left my couch.  Which is the reason we never shut our internet and cable off, LOL, I needed something to do all day :/  The teen was such a huge help, she did the dishes every day for me, and I had just caught some respiratory thing and was coughing so hard, ALL day! Oh my did it suck!   So, July 20th(Sunday) comes and My hubby took all the kids up to his parents for a picnic since his brother's family was in town, I stayed home with the 16y/o because I felt so crappy.  Well I took her out for dinner at Eat N Park, (since i hadn't been cooking for a while....) I got a phone call, for an emergency respite, for a 5 and  6 year old boy, could I pick them up in Uniontown?  Of course I said sure...LOL:)   We drove down to Fayette county and met them, it was actually a boy and a girl, they seemed like sweet kids!   We settled them in and waited for the caseworker to come get them.  She came out on weds morning and I asked her what was going on with these kids, bc  we were already at a max with kids.  She looked surprised and said I was hoping they were going to stay here?  I'll have to call someone.  So she calls me an hour later and says we got a waiver on Monday so the kids can stay with you, if you are okay with that?

 OMGOODNESS are you kidding me?  I was so sick, b/w the first tri and this respiratory thing, how could I possibly take on 2 more kids???? We were leaving for vacation in 7 days.  Hubby and I decided we would take them on vacation and then make a decision.  Well, hubby left for vacation with 7 kids and I stayed back to rest, I slept for almost 24 hours, my body was so stinking exhausted. I went down to the vacation home, and pretty much laid around most of the time, I didn't even go out on the boat, it just took to much energy. I left vacation a day early, to get a little more rest before I was on my own with all these kids!

Once  home I called Children's Bureau, and informed them that I was PG, (we hadn't told anyone at this point, I was still in denial) and that I was okay with keeping these two kids, but only until the baby came. I know that I would not be able to give these two the attention (they are sweet kids, but not able to follow directions, focus, get dressed, open things, anything by themselves.  They require ALOT of help physically and mentally!) that they would need once the baby was here. (me without sleep=not a nice mama)
The supervisor informed me that the parents are on track and she saw no reason why they wouldn't be reunited by then, if things continue as they are.  So, we said we would keep them!  

I have a new theme song from OCEANS, to WORN.

WORN  click on that song and listen to it...LOL it so described where I was!!!

The last month of summer was pretty nice, all things considered, I was in my 2nd tri and had some energy back, still had the respiratory thing, and was still coughing nonstop, so bad, that I pulled muscles in my ribs and it hurt to breathe,& move, ah the joys of life....and then school started!!!  I had home-schooled my kids last year, but with the addition of all the  kids, we decided to send our kids to the Christian School they attended previously. It's crazy b/c 3 days a week I have NO KIDS at home!!!  The quiet and the clean floors are just amazing!   Now, after school with all the kids having homework, is a bit chaotic, but so far it's working!

It's now September and we are all getting settled into somewhat of a routine, and then yep Children's bureau calls on the 19th, and says one of our old foster kids is at the shelter, they got us a waiver, could we pick her up tonight?  She is 13 and an absolute doll. So I drive on up and bring her home. We have now gone from 5 kids to 9 (plus baby) in a couple of months...talk about overwhelming!   We bought bunk beds, and rearranged rooms this past weekend, to make room for everyone.

I have been doing my quiet times again and really trying to focus on His will, and what I can do to help these kids He has placed in my home. I haven't been able to attend the tuesday morning bible study I had planned on, but  we are continuing with our small group on Tuesday nights. I really need the connection of seeing others and their faith in God and just being fed by others.  I guess when I prayed for the kids coming into my home I wasn't quite prepared for the answer.  Never would I have imagined it would be 5 more! God can do even what seems impossible. He gives you strength when you thing you have none left!

I am so blessed and completely humbled by the grace and mercy God has given me. With all of my  angry, hurtful thoughts, He never gave up on me, and continued to bless us, even when I didn't think it was right. I am so thankful that He never lets go, and it is that unconditional love that He bestows on me, that I strive to show all the kids that are in my house.   I want them to know that no matter what they do, we will always be here for them, we will give them the same grace, mercy, and love that He gives me even when I don't deserve it.

SOOO, to wrap this up, we are having a sweet baby girl, in January and I am excited about it!  She is moving like crazy and we started buying all the baby items again!  Super cute! If I could just skip the labor part...that would make it great!  LOL!   We have foster kids, that I am loving and enjoying (most days:) So I am ready to go "Deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior"  OCEANS (click for song)  a lot of days I am treading water, and my face is just above the waves, but  my soul is resting in HIM and and and blessed to be called His friend!

SUMMER CHALLENGE, FAIL.....PART 1

I had given myself a summer challenge of staying off of FB, because we have turned off our internet, cable and phone for the past three summers.  Welll that didn't work out as planned and I am going to tell you why, but we have to go back a few months....LOL!   Over the past couple of years, I have really been focusing on my quiet time and my personal relationship with God.  It has been an amazing journey, and one that just keeps on getting better!  So back to spring time,  I had finally gotten to the point of completely surrendering my life to Him.  I was willing to do what He had planned for me, I am a chiropractor, but I barely work because I feel He has called me to be Mother above all else.  For those that know me know we have 3 biological kids, have adopted 2 kids and have been involved in Foster Care for years. My husband and I both have a heart for helping hurt children. Well after having 3 bio kids, as many of you know, I am not one for little babies, sure they are cute, but oh my so needy.  So after having a 1.5/yo foster kid for respite, after 6 days, I couldn't handle it anymore and asked him to go home early....then we got a 3 month old...that lasted 4 days....I just didn't want the constant neediness of smaller children.  It made me realize I wanted to foster kids, that were older and that I did not want anymore babies!!!  Well there is a song called Oceans, I have listened to this song MANY times and meditated on it.  I felt I was at such a point where I wanted to do God's will above ALL else, and I was willing to go deeper than I could imagine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw   Listen to the song, it truly is amazing!

Well we were going to Disney on May 17, and couldn't have been more excited to spend that time as a family! May 14 I took a pregnancy test and got a big fat POSITIVE, I threw the stick at my husband just as he was waking up, and with tears streaming down my face, I said we have a problem.  He of course was in shock and ecstatic about it!  I feel awful for saying this (but during my PG I suffer from severe depression, from hormones and stuff) but I seriously think I cried for days, I absolutely felt like my life was over.  I had just gotten to the point of NO diapers, all my kids were going to be school aged.  And I was absolutely sure God wanted be to be a foster parent to older kids, and to help them.  I was so sad, and so angry.  Then on top of that I was mad at myself bc, I know what a precious gift a baby is, we had a hard time getting PG with our first, how could I be so mad at another baby.  I had convinced myself this definitely was NOT in my plans, let alone God's.  I stopped my quiet times, and stopped going to church.

Fast Forward about two months, I had started medication for the depression, and the daily tears finally subsided. I ventured to church one morning, during worship God started speaking to me, saying "How can you be so mad that I have blessed your womb and entrusted you to raise this child for me?"  Well I told Him to shut up, and I stopped listening.  (Hey, I am just being honest here...) I continued to stay away from anytime with Him.  I was talking with my cousin one day about being upset, and she said to me, last time we talked you were praying that God would bring you the right kids into your family, why are you mad that He answered that prayer???  UMMMM, I wasn't praying for a baby, I was praying for older kids....DUH....
Well, that conversation, never left me, and I finally realized how selfish I was being, and how I was so not following God's will in my life!

I went back to that song and really, a baby is going to take me deeper, simply bc this little life will challenge me in so many ways.  I was given the job of raising this sweet soul for His will, and I repented and re-surrendered my will to HIS will.  It made me realize that I thought I was finally at such a great place of being willing to do whatever God called me to do, only to realize, that was only if it was what I wanted!  So, I had not truly surrendered.  A little taste of humility for me:)    I will write part 2 of my summer challenge, later today, it is so amazing to see God work......