Yearly update

 I haven't posted since 2022. Since our oldest left her kids on my doorstep. A LOT has changed. I wrote a couple of posts, but I couldn't publish them. So here I am 1.5 years later.  It is the end of 2023, and I  am reflecting on the past year. It has been another year of many changes, many ups and downs.  I mean that is life, right?  The two posts I did not publish were about a shift in my thoughts and actions. I felt I needed to set boundaries and put myself first.  I can see where those changes have occurred, and I see the peace I have because of those boundaries.  Boundaries are hard and confusing to me, never having clear boundaries growing up, I always feel guilt because they seem mean to me. But, I have learned they are necessary in relationships. This past year has been full of so many blessings and so many answers to prayer. 

The twins are still not with their mom but are in a great family with lots of people loving on them.  We are still blessed to have them in our lives and try and see them whenever we can.  My oldest biological graduated high school and has just finished his first semester of college. It was a joy to walk through the changes with him.  He is our first to go away to a four year college, and really the first to graduate high school and not feel the need to flee our home. It was quite refreshing, LOL!  It was emotional moving him in and driving away, but after the first week, he settled in and it has been smooth!  We still have 5 in the home, so life is still crazy busy, but wouldn't trade it. Our second bio son had knee surgery this month and had a "donor" cartilage put in.  He is doing great, started PT, non-weight bearing for 6 weeks, then hopefully will get everything strengthened and be back out on the field.  He is a junior and we have started looking at colleges for him!  

Our 4 girls are 15,14,14 and 8.  They are all well, the 15 yo is working at MCD's and is cosmetology at VOTECH.  She is not doing well in school, and she almost got fired, however, with her past and trauma, I would say she is doing okay!!   Our "twins"  Em is in voice and piano and has been committed to those for the past couple of years, and it is really paying off!  She is in NJHS and is always getting straight A's!   F, well she is my first bio daughter, she is the sassiest kid, lol.  She enjoys being active and wants to do track and field again this year.  She just needs to get a competitive edge...  Bella Bear our last bio, she is spoiled, the youngest of a dozen what can you expect??? She has been in gymnastics off and on for 2 years, but she doesn't really like it, she is not one to exert energy...although she loves swimming!   I am signing her up for American Heritage Girls, we will see how she likes that! LOL. 

Steve and I?  We are enjoying life with no littles, having all the kids be older and independent is refreshing to our souls!  Coming out of 18 years dealing with kids with trauma can take it's toll.  We are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.  We are learning how to heal ourselves and recharge!  

I am humbled when I think of the past year, all the changes that have happened, and how everything worked out for good. The changes have all been positive, and stressful, but all good!  Being deep in prayer through many hard times, God has continually shown up and walked each step with us. He continues to show us grace and mercy. His love is all-encompassing, full of compassion, and full of a  peace that can only be found in Him!  I pray for all eyes that read this, that you may feel God's love and peace, I pray you will know the truth that is found in Him, let Spirit enter into every organ, every cell, every fiber of your being. Leaning on Him and trusting Him will change you in ways you never could imagine. Father God, I praise your holy name, the name that will heal the name that will save.  May all the glory of this fallen world be yours!  

Independence Day

It is July 3rd, tomorrow is America's  birthday, the day we officially became a nation! The Declaration of Independence declared us free from Great Britain. I am forever indebted and grateful for the people, throughout history who fought for our freedom. July 4,1776 is America's birthday, and while we were declared free and no longer under Britain's rule, so many Americans were not truly free yet. Freedom in America, is and has been a long journey for many. While we have more freedoms than anywhere else, some are still not experiencing freedom. It's  easy for me to celebrate, I have never been a slave, I have never been forced from my land, I have never been forced to do acts on other people. I have been free to live my life the way I wanted, my choices were easy to make. I see and hear the way things have been different for others. 

Finding true freedom in a world overcome with human sin will continue to be a journey that we must walk. Let us love like Jesus, and hear the cries of others. Let us not turn our backs on those still fighting for Freedom. We should be fighting for our brothers and sisters and standing up for them. And while July 4th might not be  "Freedom Day" for ALL people, let us come together and celebrate America's freedom  from Britain, because without that first Independence day, we wouldn't  have many of the freedoms that are ours today. We would not have the right to stand up for what we believe in, we would not be able to speak freely, to live freely and make the choices we make. Let's keep fighting for the freedom of ALL people and stand on God's truths.

For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Galatians 5:13-14

Life's Storms

I don't  typically put my personal life out there, but I am tired of pretending like everything is just peachy. Two weeks ago our "eldest" broke up with her boyfriend. She then took her 3 kids and his 10yo to another county and refused to give him his son back. She refused to come back into the county because she felt unsafe. Meanwhile, he was calling me threatening my family, saying he was going to spill blood. I finally told her if she didn't return his son, I was calling the cops on her for kidnapping. She proceeds to bring her three and his to my house completely enubruated. She had no shoes, I gave her a pair of my daughters. Her son had no clothes, the twins were dressed, his son had clothes and but noone had jackets. She said I am disappearing please take care of my kids. She gave me her tax refund card, with $11000 on it. Said take what I owe you, pay mck $1500 and use the rest for my kids. Well as it turns out  the ex doesn't have a car (did I mention he has multiple felonies was just in jail for almost 6 years?)so all 4 kiddos spent the night with me. I took his son and her son (2yo) shopping for clothes and blankets etc spent $800 on them. I had gone to her house and got what clothes I could find (which I had bought 90%of) but they were all so filthy and gross I had to throw most of them away. The bed, mattresses blankets and sheets that I had just purchased in October (because the one they had was so saturated with urine)were gone. Mattresses on the floor with no sheets or blankets, rips in the one mattress. All the toys they had were thrown away by this man. And the mom just let it happen. Anyways, I returned his son to his ex girlfriend, although she said he proposed to her?  I contacted her sons bio dad to pick him up. I am left with the twins. She was intoxicated for about 6 days straight, said she was going to detox/rehab, but it never happened. She cancelled her tax refund card,, they are now back together. We went to court and got emergency  custody. Shes mad bc noone told her. Well they tried to serve her  for 5 days but she left her low income housing once she got her $$ and they just are living the life for now. She's couldnt meet the constable bc she got a flat tire. She hasn't tried to contact any of her kids. They are lieing and hiding. She has an eviction  notice, lost her job and is in the process of losing her kids.How is that not enough to do fight for your kids. As soon as the money is gone, what will they do? I have had 13 kids come through my house that we have helped raise and I just don't think I can raise another two. Even if they are the cutest kids ever. Addiction and trauma are so hard to overcome, we have tried for almost 17 years to help her. She was willing to stay in another county while this man threatened my family and now that she's back with him she thinks her kids will be fine there? Did I mention she bought a gun for him? Bc of his felonies he is not allowed to be around a gun. The girls have asked me if he is going to kill them, bc he said he would kill them and mommy. They ask if mommies alive. They say he threw all their toys out, and their blankets. He says he gave them everything they wanted. I can help for so long, this was the last straw for me. No more effort on my part She needs to step up, fight for them and walk away from him. Somehow I dont think thats what will happen. The week after this happened, another of our kids is in the hospital a second time fighting for her life due to complications of heroin abuse

I am only human. I am tired. My heart hurts.If you read all of this please pray for them.For my girls, the kids, the ex all of them.  They need Jesus oh, the love of my Jesus, The healing grace love and peace that can only be found in Him. Spirit fill them.